do you ever read old conversations you had with someone and realize how much more they used to be interested you and it makes you feel like complete shit because everything is different now and you can tell you’ve just lost that shine that got their attention in the first place
"She removes her wig, her eyelashes, her makeup, never breaking eye contact with the reflection of her natural self. It’s an intimate, powerful moment television doesn’t often show: A black woman removing all the elements white supremacy tells her she has to wear to be beautiful, successful, powerful." (x)
#I have been crying at least once an hour since tuesday
#i am wrecked
I’m thinking of the way it used to be. I’m thinking of the nights I would fall asleep and the last thing I would see is your eyes staring into mine. I’m thinking of waking up in the morning and noticing you hadn’t moved an inch. The way you’d breathe so slowly, and I’d try so hard to match your pace. Because I was scared the sound would wake you. I’m thinking of how I loved you then. And how i love you now. And I notice that not much has changed. I love you no more, i love you no less. My love for you never came in quantities. It came in those breaths we would take together, the ones I timed so carefully. The ones I couldn’t keep up with anymore. Because your pace stayed so calm, and I was the one always running. And then I took a misstep. i came up for air. And you woke up.
"I asked my ex, now good friend, if she would ever have an open relationship and she said, “No, I don’t think I could do that” then after a pause and a smile, “but what about love affair friendships?” She went on to describe an impenetrable fortress of female friendship, her own group of best mates who’d known each other since school and had supported and loved each other through almost all of their lifetimes. They sounded far more bonded to, and in love with one another, than their respective husbands. It struck me that we don’t have the language to reflect the diversity and breadth of connections we experience. Why is sex the thing we tend to define a relationship by, when in fact it can be simple casual fun without a deep emotional transaction? Why do we say “just friends” when, for some of us, a friendship goes deeper? Can we define a new currency of commitment that celebrates and values this? Instead of having multiple confusing interpretations of the same word, could we have different words? What if we viewed our relationships as a pyramid structure with our primary partner at the top and a host of lovers, friends, spiritual soul mates, colleagues, and acquaintances beneath that?"
cheerleader // st. vincent
i’ve had good times
with some bad guys
i’ve told whole lies
with a half smile
"Don’t kiss me if you’re afraid of thunder. My life is a storm."
"I give because I know how it feels to want."